Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
you're hired as official boob wrangler
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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