I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
