so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
if only i could text you this smell
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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