You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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