Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
