Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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