I seem to have left my pride at pride
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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