Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
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the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
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k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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