im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
