so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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