What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
sex in a hospital.. check
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
