It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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