Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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