DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
