So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
