we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
