Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
