Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
