he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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