Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
