I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize