youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
