I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
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