I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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