I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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