So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
