If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
