Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
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Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
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she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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