Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
It's just like the Real World with babies
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
