guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
