We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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