i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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