we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
