okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
