the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
