He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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