Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
