I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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