He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
