I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
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This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
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Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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