someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
