About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
