Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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