He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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