so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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