After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
