Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
