I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
