I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
