she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
