My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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