There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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