Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
