it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
