don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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