are you still at the devil's house?
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
