did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
