I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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