All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
