I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
