apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
