when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
