Apparently you make a good broom.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
