I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Randomize
