pedialite and red bull = repair kit
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
