And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
