Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
