We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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