I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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