I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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