They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
