Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
