Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Randomize
