so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
